A Tale of Three Dads

"Dad" is a powerful word. At 56 years of age, and having six children of my own, and seeking the God of the universe that calls himself "my heavenly Father"; the word convicts me and encourages me all at the same time.

As I stand here today, beside the earthsuit of the only person I have called "Dad" for the last eight years, the word calls out to me again. I am filled with repentance and courage. Repentance at how much I have failed to be the father God calls me to be; and courage at what I have learned along that bumpy road of being "Dad" to so many.

My own father passed in 2009. He left a big mark on my soul. Much of who I am in relationships, the good, the bad, and the ugly, were affected and formed by Gerold Max Kissling Sr. He was a man's man. He was strong and aggressive. A great provider, he worked beyond exhaustion, feeling the pressure to launch his children beyond the trajectory of the opportunities he had experienced. He taught me to work hard, to be fugal, and to strive for excellence. He was proud of me, but spoke those words of affirmation to others...rarely to me. He demanded much... There was always something more; something better I could have done. An A minus on a report card wasn't an A...it was almost a B plus and drew his critical attention like a magnifying glass away from the other five A's that seemed invisible to him. Dad could be hard on people; proud and critical. Dad had a temper...and we fought, sparring with words of anger like two boxers in a ring. More than once we almost came to blows. I often could not understand him. He seemed to want to make me angry. In so many ways he was guarded; his hatred that was visceral...sometimes I loved him with a fierceness that wouldn't allow me to envision life without his strong presence. When he was gone, part of me felt alone; like a little boy lost on a busy street.

In 1984 I married the most beautiful person I have ever met; Bonnie, the daughter of Bob and Denise Griffin. Bob became my dad. Having looked upon fatherhood through the lenses of my experiences with Max Kissling...what a contrast Bob was to me! I'm sorry to say, for years...Bob didn't measure up in my mind. He was patient, quiet. He worked hard but he didn't seem driven. I am embarrassed, but very honest, when I say that I just didn't "get" Bob.

But through the years, I noticed something very important. My own children wanted to be with Grandpa. When I tried to work on a project with my children, or teach them golf, or play basketball...they didn't want to do that with me. I was in a hurry! I was no fun! My drive and precision and striving to do things "just so", overwhelmed the joyful curiosity of childhood. But when we came to Grandpa and Grandma's house, it was a whole different story. Dad's patience and simple humor, his kindness, his gentleness drew them like fruit flies to bananas. And they built things together...and they painted things together. And I watched; I prayed; I struggled. And I wanted to be more like him...like Bob...like "Dad".

There were great things about both of my earthly dads. About Max and about Bob. And there were weaknesses...just like there are so many weaknesses in my own journey and character as a dad. But I want to close my sharing with a tribute and a testimony to my third Dad; my heavenly Father. Just like I was Max's only son...my heavenly Father had an only Son. An only Son who game Himself to bring me into His Father's family. When I was 11 years old, I accepted a bargain with Jesus. His Word said very clearly to me, that if I would give Him my sin an death; that in exchange; He would make a trade with me. "Jerry, if you give me your sin, I will give you my righteousness...and if you give me your death, I will give you my life! The gift of eternal life with Me and my Father! And you will be my brother!" That was a deal I couldn't pass up. And from that day to this, my relationship with my heavenly father has been a solid foundation of grace to love, give grace to, and learn from my earthly dads. But it also gives me a compass for my own journey as a dad. And the strength to get back up, the humility to ask for forgiveness, and the light to take the next step as "Dad".

Thanks Dad, for being used of God to teach me...I love you...and I will see you soon in the presence of the One who is Dad to us both!

For Dad

Both my father and my husband are special men God has put in my life. They are similar in many ways and completely different in others. My husband, Jerry, is a very gifted preacher of The Word of God. He writes beautifully and preaches clearly and passionately, the words that God gives him. My Father, unlike my husband, did not possess the same writing and speaking abilities, but he was a preacher none the less.

My father preached to me with the example of his life. He preached to me about love, unconditional love. He showed me love that is motivated from the heart of the one who loves, not love that is based on the worth of the one receiving it. He showed me what it means to be loved for no other reason than I belonged to him. I was his child, his daughter and because of this, he loved me. I have struggled most of my life in receiving and accepting such unconditional love from him, from my husband, from God and many others, but praise God I have come to an understanding and acceptance of this amazing love for me. I am so thankful to my father for paving the way to lead me there.

My father preached to me about joy. He was probably one of the most joyful people I have ever known. He loved the simple life he lived and I can hardly remember a day that he was not content and at peace with the life he had been given. I believe his joy, peace, and contentment were the fruit of a grateful heart for all God’s daily blessings to him in creation, in relationships and in the fellowship of his Savior.

My dad preached to me about patience and never more dynamically than June 2018, when I watched my mom and him struggle throughout the weekend to move my father’s 93 year old body from the car to the house, from the living room to the kitchen table, from the bathroom to getting his tired body into bed. It was a slow, agonizing, painful process, but the patience he showed Mom as she tried to help, and the patience she showed him as she waited for him to move, preached volumes to me that I will never forget. As I watched the struggle to bring my father into our house that weekend, I recognized, this would most likely be his last visit to our home.

My father preached to me of kindness, goodness and gentleness as I watched him love and relate with children, all children, not just those that belonged to him. Whenever I was with him, and a child was in his vision, he would always point out their adorableness and do his best to make them smile and laugh, whether he knew them or not. I think of the crazy sacrifices he willingly made to bless his own grandchildren. He purchased and cared for rabbits 365 days a year, so that, on the few days his grandchildren were there, he would have the pleasure of taking the grandchildren to the rabbit hutch and place a monster size rabbit in their arms. He fed and cared for those rabbits very well! But there was nothing he enjoyed more than taking his grandchildren fishing, which he did every occasion he possibly could.

Dad preached to me about faithfulness by his faithful love, commitment, and provision for my mom and all seven of us for so many years. My parents were one week shy of celebrating 72 years of marriage. He was faithful to his family, his work, his church and his God.

My dad also preached to me of self-control by keeping reign on his tongue. In my entire life, I only heard two curse words come from his mouth and some of my siblings never heard any. Mom, would always marvel at his self-control when it came to the famous turtle candy dish in our home. Dad wanted it to always have candy in it and would ask mom to buy candy for it, but he would only eat once piece and then be done.

As I thought of all these things he preached to me; of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, I realized these are the fruits of the Holy Spirit. How beautiful is that! My dad’s life preached Christ to me!

Over the last few months dad has preached another spiritual reality to me. He has preached to me of death. I have watched and learned that death is real, imminent and horrific. Every visit I would make to see him, there was less and less of the man I knew and loved. He was slipping away. In the Bible, death means separation and it is not what we were created to know and experience. We were created to experience life, communion, and fellowship with God and each other, but when Adam rejected God, mankind experienced a spiritual death, which resulted in all manner of death and separation in this world. God however, has done the amazing work to reconcile us to himself and each other, through the sacrificial death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. Christ redeems the horrific, so I have the confidence that I will not be separated from Him or my father forever.

My father always had a story to tell so it seems appropriate to share a story about my dad with you. It was July 28th, my wedding anniversary. Dad was in the hospital from aspirating a pill and he was not doing well, so, although we were on an anniversary getaway, Jerry and I felt compelled to go see him.

When we got to his room, we quickly realized that Dad was experiencing some type of hallucinations. He knew us, but in his mind, his hospital room was one of his painting work sites. In caring for the needs of his large family, Dad earned extra money painting. In his room, blankets and sheets were now drop cloths, and bed trays had paint tools on them. As I entered, I saw my normally quiet and calm father very agitated and upset. Desperate, might have been the word. He immediately began explaining to Jerry that he needed his help. He had this job going but he couldn’t finish it and wanted Jerry to do so. He was very upset and emotional, carefully explaining the importance of the job, how it needed to be finished and done well. Dad broke down and cried as he spoke of how, if the job could be finished and done well, then perhaps every child would have a room of their very own. He spoke also of the importance of everything being done for the glory of God and how people needed to be encouraged, something he had received little of as a child. He repeated asked Jerry if he would take care of this job for him. We prayed with him several times, seeking to reassure him and bring God’s peace and comfort. As hospital staff would come into the room, dad would turn his attention to them, concerned whether they had eaten, and asking Mom if we could get them something to eat or put on a pot of coffee for them. Before we left that day, my dad’s agitation was gone and he was jovial again, enjoying a baseball game on the turned off television in his room! He seemed at peace.

As I left that day, I thought much about this experience with my father. It impacted me greatly, because you see, my dad was a very quiet man about the things that lay deep in his soul. This day, due to a reaction to medication, I felt I had been given a window into the concerns of his heart. They seemed to have risen to the surface and he spoke of them like I had never heard him speak before. He verbalized his concerns that jobs be completed, done well, and to God’s glory; that children be well cared for and blessed, that people’s needs would be met and they would be given comfort and encouragement. He had lived this out before me my whole life, but on this day, I heard him verbalize these concerns with great passion, emotion and urgency. In a very strange way this day was a gift to me.

As I continued to think about my father’s words, I wondered if in his mind he was back in time building our beautiful home on Gregory Road, and fearing he wouldn’t be able to complete it. He had completed that home and it was wonderful, even if all seven of us children didn’t have our own private rooms. For whatever reason, it was clear to Dad he wasn’t going to be able to finish the job, but it was also clear he didn’t want it left undone. He didn’t offer the opportunity of finishing it to me or my mom, but to my husband Jerry, the only other father in the room.

As I continued to ponder his words, my mind went to another Father and Son. Christ’s words came to me in John 14:1-7. "‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.’
Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’
Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’”

You see, Dad had faithfully lived the life of Christ before us, showing us Jesus as our only way to life with our Heavenly Father. Dad’s work on this earth is done, and he has handed the finishing of it over to us. Jesus told the crowd in John 6:29 “’This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.’”

So, the challenge for us today is will we finish the work that is left for us. First, will we choose to believe in the One God sent, Jesus Christ, as our only way to the Father? And having once believed for ourselves, will we live Christ before our families and pray that they will have their own special room in Heaven with their Heavenly Father as well.

Dad’s work of faith/belief is done. Now all he is experiencing is sight, the reality of what he has believed all these years. Psalm 17:15 so beautifully pictures Dad’s reality today. “As for me, I will continue beholding Your face in righteousness (rightness, justice, and right standing with You); I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You].” (Amplified version)

I love you Dad and pray for the day we will all be together again, each with our own special rooms, hopefully right next door to you and Don!

I'm sorry that I can't be there in person so I have written this poem for Grandpa. I hope you like it, for it comes from my heart.

Grandpa's Journey

Robert Griffin now begins a new journey
Now that his old rest has passed.
A journey that will be a blast.
 

He will meet many cultures very different from his own.
They will teach him many styles he has never known.

He will fish for creatures great and small,
Even those he knows none at all.

He will craft wooden objects which will come to life.
He will even do it without a knife.

He will meet his friends, family, and enemies of his past.
They will have a great feast which will definitely last.

He will meet horrifying monstrosities ------------but he won't choke.
All they want to do is tell him a joke.

He will meet different species of women both slender and tall.
But he would rather wait for the most beautiful of all. (That's you Grandma)

He will have a match with Andre the Giant.
He will beat him with a move that is far more reliant.

He will travel with children who had to go early.
He will take care of them so you need not worry.

No animal is barred from this path (even snakes are welcome),
For there is no one who will separate them from their wrath.

With a "Yatatata" this Griffin will move right along,
For not even every God can compete with this song.


I want this poem read every January 11, along with you to do something you have never done before in your lives to celebrate Grandpa's journey. Doesn't have to be expensive or something you don't want to do.

Robert James Griffin's happiness overflowed January 11, 2019. He went home and Jesus welcomed him with open arms. He joined a crowd of family and friends, including his father Raymond Griffin and his mother Frances. Brothers Reynolds, William, Edward, Thomas, Richard, Gene, Jack, Charles(his twin), and sister Marjorie Rogers are part of the heavenly throng. A younger brother also named Jack and sister Janice and brother-in-law Dennis Catlin send their love from earth to heaven to Robert who turned 94 December second 2018.

Rarely are there two hearts with such affection and devotion to each other as are Robert and Violet Denise Catlin, who celebrate 72 years of marriage.

In World War II, God brought home alive all six of the Griffin brothers. Robert served in Africa as part of the Navy Construction Battalion.

R